Janis Benavidez

I was about to post this on MyBlog on 28Dec2007 - eve of our 6th wedding anniversary but there’s something wrong with my Friendster Blog link and was not able to update it.  Exactly after a month, the link is back again… so here it is now. This is for Luis.

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When we met for the first time in college in November1991, I did not know that was it. Just like a typical “boy-meets-girl, hi-hello-how-do-you-do introduction”. I thought it was just one of those short “ok, see-you-around-bye” conversation.

He was good-looking (even up to now), fair, tall, goes to gym right after class. Physically fit, attractive, quite famous in campus for his looks; in short, the ideal profile of a college boyfriend. 

Then, I started noticing him hanging around near where my friends and I make tambay near the BA Building. Hmmm – maybe waiting for his girlfriend, or maybe not: just loitering around.

We bumped into each other one time - I dropped my books - he smiled as he picked them up and I smiled back. He recognized me and I recognized him - “oh it’s you!”

Since then, we would always chance upon each other; everywhere I go, I would see him there – canteen, corridors, library, and even at the chapel. I always catch him making backward glance at me. Then I told myself if this guy courts me, I’d say yes right away.

On a sunny February afternoon in 1992, Cupid’s arrow hit me. I saw him from afar walking towards me and then suddenly I heard a magical tune. I don’t know what’s going on - I froze and that was it. I was pretty sure I was literally falling in love with him

. Thanks to Cupid, he really makes wonders.

Then courtship or shall I say the closeness began. He waited for me until my last class is over (sometimes, to reciprocate, I waited for him until his laboratory class), we have dinner together, we stroll at nearby mall and then bring me to the bus station (wala pang FX that time).

When we go out on dates, I felt shy; I hate campus people talking about me going out with Mr. Engineering 2^nd runner-up, like ‘oh, she’s just one of the girls” and more. I was “oh yeah, ok but I don’t care.”

So that was the start of it all.

Marrying him on December 29, 2001 was not a tough decision because I know he is the one, right at day one.

Best of friends for more than 9years, married for 6years - we’ve been together for almost 16years now and I am so grateful to have him as my other half. Despite my mood swings, crankiness and all, he loves me unconditionally.

My husband and my son, I love my two boys so much – they are my world. Even though we are geographically apart from each other, every night I hold them in my dreams and when I wake up, I carry them around in my heart.

To you, Luis, you’ve captured my heart; you’ve seduced my heart in the way I never thought possible. Here’s to another 16years of not just a relationship, but a commitment - 16more years to forever.

Happy 6^th wedding anniversary! I love you and I miss you.

“You lost your pencil again?”- I have said this couple of times already.

Since 3rdy went to school in June, I can not count anymore how many pencils we have invested and how many are gone now.

This little kindergarten boy seems to have yet to develop his sense of responsibility over his school supplies. I have been reminding him over and over again to check his things before stepping out of the classroom.  But no! When the bell rings, all he does is pack up his things, shoot everything into his bag, fall in line and wait for his teacher to open the door.

So now when I pick him up, I check his bag right away to see what else he had lost on that day so I can ask their aide to check the room. I get a sigh of relief when everything is there, at least, I don’t have to shell out again.

I get the joy of motherhood when I check his bag – empty box of Chuckie, biscuit wrapper, towel, broken crayons - sometimes ‘generic’ (that’s what we call it when he removes the labels which he is fond of), books, notebooks, the drawing pad and his scribbles, and that little cartoon character scented eraser that he just keeps in his pencil box because he likes it and ‘sayang daw’ if he will use it.

Ok, he is four now and what can you expect? He is four and truly adorable - not because I am the mother but he really is).

Well, I admit I get fuming mad when he loses his pencil, but hey, it’s just a pencil.

I just couldn’t imagine how mad mamay was when I came home crying one day in 1978 when I was in kindergarten because I lost my bag and everything in it.  Yes, not just the pencil but the whole bag!

For the next one week I went to school with nothing because mamay did not allow me to bring my new supplies to school yet. That, to me, served as a lesson to take care of my things no matter how small – in my case, no matter how big.

3rdy knew the whole story because mamay told him.

So when I scold him about the pencils he had lost, he would reciprocate and remind me about that 1978 incident.

So what is a lost pencil compared to losing the entire bag? My little boy is truly adorable.

So who is less responsible now? Ask me but don’t make me feel guilty.

As I (temporarily) leave the corporate world : 

- goodbye pumps and heels;  hello sneakers and espadrilles

- goodbye Oracle & SAP;  hello Friendster, Yahoo and PEP

- goodbye  Neanderthals; hello kindergarten

- goodbye to 5am alarm; hello to the 7am sunshine

- goodbye to scuttlebutt and office scandals; hello to my child’s epoch

- goodbye corporate bureaucracy; hello penny arcades

 

To you, Luis…..

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If you’re ever going to love me, love me now while I can know

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All the sweet and tender feelings which from the real affection flow.

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Love me now, while I am living; do not wait till I am gone

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And then chisel it in marble-warm love words on ice-cold stone.

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If you have, dear, sweet thoughts about me, why not whisper them to me?

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Don’t you know ‘twould make me happy and as glad could be?

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If you wait till I am sleeping, ne’er to waken here again,

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There’ll be walls of earth between us and I couldn’t hear you then.

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If you knew someone was thirsting for a drop o water, sweet

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Would you be so slow to bring it? Would you step with laggard feet?

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There are tender hearts all ‘round us who are thirsting for our love;

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Why withold from them what nature makes them crave all else above?

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I won’t need your warm caresses when the grass grows over my face;

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I won’t crave for your love or kisses in my last low resting place.

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So, then, if it’s but a little bit,

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Let me know while I am living; I can own and treasure it.

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Lifted from Ad Infinitum

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by Vincent Benjamin Cua, Jr.

I was cleaning my drive C:\ files and found this poem.

I can’t remember where I got this from (or somebody might have sent this to me).

Just sharing……

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This is a beautiful poem. There is an appeal from a Zimbabwean couple
at the bottom of message, not asking for anything
more than that you hand the poem on.
The husband wrote the poem.

TO MY CHILD

Just for this morning, I am going to smile when I
see your face and laugh when I feel like crying.

Just for this morning, I will let you choose what
you want to wear, and smile and say how perfect it is.

Just for this morning, I am going to step over the
laundry and pick you up and take you to the park to play.

Just for this morning, I will leave the dishes in the sink

and let you teach me how to put that puzzle of yours together.

Just for this afternoon, I will unplug the telephone
and keep the computer off, and sit with you in the
backyard and blow bubbles.

Just for this afternoon, I will not yell once,

not even a tiny grumble when you scream and whine for the
ice cream truck, and I will buy you one if he comes  by.

Just for this afternoon, I won’t worry about what you
are going to be when you grow up, or second guess
every decision I have made where you are concern ed.

Just for this afternoon, I will let you help me
bake cookies, and I won’t stand over you trying to fix
them.

Just for this afternoon, I will take us to McDonald’s
and buy us both a Happy Meal so you can have both toys.

Just for this evening, I will hold you in my arms
and tell you a story about how you were born and how
much I love you.

Just for this evening, I will let you splash in the tub and not get angry.

Just for this evening, I will let you stay up late

while we sit on the porch and count all the stars.

Just for this evening, I will snuggle beside you for hours and miss my favourite TV shows.

Just for this evening when I run my finger through
your hair as you pray, I will simply be  grateful that
God has given me the greatest gift ever
given.

I will think about the mothers and fathers who are
searching for their missing children.

The mothers and fathers who are visiting their children’s graves
instead of their bedrooms.

The mothers and fathers who are in hospital rooms
watching their children suffer senselessly and screaming
inside that little body

And when I kiss you goodnight I will hold you a little tighter, a little longer.

It is then, that I will thank God for you, and ask him for
nothing, except one more day………….

This is a fwd: email message from a friend. Please read on AND please don’t skip.

It’s a very touching piece -  I thought of sharing this with you.

To my husband, basahin mo please pero uminom ka muna ng maraming tubig…

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When I got home that night as my wife served dinner, I held her hand and said, I’ve got something to tell you. She sat down and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her eyes. Suddenly I didn’t know how to open my mouth. But I had to let her know what I was thinking. I want a divorce. I raised the topic calmly. She didn’t seem to be annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, why? I avoided her question. This made her angry. She threw away the chopsticks and shouted at me, you are not a man! That night, we didn’t talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer, she had lost my heart to a lovely girl called Dew. I didn’t love her anymore.. I just pitied her! With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated that she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company. She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. The woman who had spent ten years of her life with me had become a stranger. I felt sorry for her wasted time, resources and energy but I could not take back what I had said for I loved Dew so dearly. Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see. To me her cry was actually a kind of release. The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer now.

The next day, I came back home very late and found her writing something at the table. I didn’t have supper but went straight to sleep and fell asleep very fast because I was tired after an eventful day with Dew. When I woke up, she was still there at the table writing. I just did not care so I turned over and was asleep again. In the morning she presented her divorce conditions: she didn’t want anything from me, but needed a month’s notice before the divorce. She requested that in that one month we both struggle to live as normal a life as possible. Her reasons were simple: our son had his exams in a months time and she didn’t want to disrupt him with our broken marriage. This was agreeable to me. But she had something more, she asked me to recall how I had carried her into out bridal room on our wedding day. She requested that everyday for the month’s duration I carry her out of our bedroom to the front door ever morning. I thought she was going crazy. Just to make our last days together bearable I accepted her odd request. I told Dew about my wife s divorce conditions. She laughed loudly and thought it was absurd. No matter what tricks she applies, she has to face the divorce, she said scornfully.

My wife and I hadn’t had any body contact since my divorce intention was explicitly expressed. So when I carried her out on the first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, daddy is holding mummy in his arms. His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly; don’t tell our son about the divorce. I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outside the door. She went to wait for the bus to work. I drove alone to the office. On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my chest.. I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn’t looked at this woman carefully for a long time. I realised she was not young any more. There were fine wrinkles on her face, her hair was greying! Our marriage had taken its toll on her. For a minute I wondered what I had done to her.

On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I felt a sense of intimacy returning. This was the woman who had given ten years of her life to me. On the fifth and sixth day, I realized that our sense of intimacy was growing again. I didn’t tell Dew about this. It became easier to carry her as the month slipped by. Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger. She was choosing what to wear one morning. She tried on quite a few dresses but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, all my  dresses have grown bigger. I suddenly realized that she had grown so thin, that was the reason why I could carry her more easily. Suddenly it hit me; she had buried so much pain and bitterness in her heart. Subconsciously I reached out and touched her head. Our son came in at the moment and said, Dad, it’s time to carry mum out. To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had become an essential part of his life. My wife gestured to our son to come closer and hugged him tightly. I turned my face away because I was afraid I might change my mind at this last minute. I then held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly; it was just like our wedding day. But her much lighter weight made me sad. On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to school. I held her tightly and said, I hadn’t noticed that our life lacked intimacy.

I drove to office… jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my mind… I walked upstairs. Dew opened the door and I said to her, Sorry, Dew, I do not want the divorce anymore. She looked at me, astonished. Then touched my forehead. Do you have a fever? She said. I moved her hand off my head. Sorry, Dew, I said, I won’t divorce. My marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn’t value the details of our lives, not because we didn’t love each other any more. Now I realise that since I carried her into my home on our wedding day I am supposed to hold her until death do us apart. Dew seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the door and burst into tears. I walked downstairs and drove away.

At the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet of flowers for my wife. The salesgirl asked me what to write on the card. I smiled and wrote, I’ll carry you out every morning until death do us apart.

The small details of your lives are what really matter in a relationship. It is not the mansion, the car, property, the money in  the bank, blah.. blah.. blah. These create an environment conducive for happiness but cannot give happiness in themselves. So find time to be your spouse’s friend and do those little things for each
other that build intimacy. Do have a real happy marriage! If you don’t share this, nothing will happen to you, but if you do, you just might save a marriage.

Dubai Projects

07May 2007

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Learner’s HoME  (Home of Meaningful Education) is a daycare center/pre-school which is near Jollibee Plaza.

And today, 3rdy started daycare at Learner’s HoME.

He got up quite early than the usual “rise & shine” alarm; he seems to be excited.

As I put him to bed early last night, I told him to be nice and that he should share all the toys there with everybody.  As a mother I know his not-so good points when it comes to toy sharing, may pagka-madamot si 3rdy sa toys. If he likes the toy, don’t ever dare get it from him or else…..(ang malupit, kahit hindi sa kanya yon).

Nasanay na siya that all toys he sees in our house is his. And that’s my dilemma.

On our way to HoME, I was having mixed feelings - excited and worried.

I was having high anxiety, separation anxiety that is (it is weird na parent na ngayon ang may separation anxiety - ako yon).

Kids at HoME are all very nice, it was such pleasant to see how they welcome the newest kid on the block.  I did not stay long, I just wanted to see how he reacts at his first day. Mukhang good boy naman (so far).  I almost cried when I left him there; he did not cry when I bid him “see-you-later crocodile”.

That’s the very first time of me leaving 3rdy to a total stranger. 

Now, I’m starting to allow him to explore new surroundings and get to know people at his one pace.  HoME will be his temporary “shelter” from 9am-5pm, Mondays to Fridays, until e/o July (I’m officially non-Jollibee employee by then). At work, it seemed to be my loooooongest 9-5 sked. I keep thinking about how my “3rdyboy bokbok” is doing.  I can’t wait to pick him up at 5PM. Wish ko lang, walang batang sugatan, walang batang umiyak, walang batang duguan;  and most of all, I wish 3rdy is not the “pasimuno” of all.

I know my son to be a sweetie pie; but the fact that he is alone there with other big boys, I can’t accept the thought of big boys bullying him. And that he is all alone, crying….. mommy isn’t there to defend him.  In public playgrounds and parks, everytime 3rdy run to me because of older boys pushed him I would come to the rescue “Hey you boy, pick someone your own size” (sabay dilat ng mata). Mapagpatol ako sa bata in short. In the next few minutes, nawala ang bata, (im sure natakot yon at umuwi na). Mabuti na lng wala pa akong naeencounter na batang nagsumbong sa parents nila kasi pinandilatan ko sila.

At 3yrs 8mons, 3rdy is still a baby to me and will always be.

His first day was not traumatic as what I thought it was. 

When I picked him up, he had so many things to say  - that he enjoyed rocking horse, playing house (I was amused when he gestured pouring coffee to those tiny, pink cups), bowling (and what you do you call those big Lego bricks?); how he enjoyed singing ABC, Twinkle Twinkle, Baa Baa Black Sheep together with other kids (even if he is out of tune).  All this, no matter how simple it seems, makes me a proud mama.

Even after reaching home, with beaming eyes,  3rdy never got tired of telling stories to grampy and mamay and tita about his first day adventure; he even shared stories w/ Barbie (ang aming aso na walang malay gawin kundi matulog). Haay, walang katapusang kwento . Even if he tells story over and over again, I will never get tired of listening.

But from what teacher told me, 3rdy had a really great first day of daycare.

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